Changing the Way You Frame a Question Can change your Perspective

When negative things happen the first question many people ask is why? I want to suggest an alternative question that gets things moving away from the pain towards progress.

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Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, a 50 something who loves to share ideas about life, love, and a host of other topics. You know I'm the owner of several bad habits. It's not easy to admit, but I have a collection of faux pas and missteps that could fill a U haul storage unit. As I get better, I like to give myself a little pat on the back, but I'm not quite there yet. One of the victories, I do want to celebrate this evening is changing questions from why to what. It took me a long time to master this one, even though I had compelling examples of the importance of doing so for years.

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I remember one day after something negative happened, I asked why this happened to me? A friend looked at me and said blankly, why not you? You have to realize you're eligible too. After quietly cursing her out under my breath, I realized she was right. That made me ponder the correct questions to ask after something happened. that I didn't anticipate. When my husband was in high school, he and some friends went joy riding one night, they had a horrific accident. Most of the passengers were thrown from the vehicle. My husband was the only survivor. He did not spend his spare hours asking, Why am I the only survived? He asked God, what do you want me to do with my life? He felt he was left here for a reason. He lived in such a way to find out. Many people do experience survivor's guilt after such a tragic event, but his resilience persisted and helped him to see life in a positive light. Focusing on what, instead of why made him an action oriented person.

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Another example of someone in my life that personified the question of what is my late godmother doctor, doctor, doctor, Moody. I called her that because she had three PhD's. When she was growing up, people didn't know she was dyslexic. Although the term dyslexia had been coined almost 70 years before she was born, not many of her teachers understood her situation. She did not learn to read until she was in eighth grade. She didn't focus on why it took so many years, for her to learn to read. She focused on what she was going to do with the ability once she learned to read. Reading became an incredible passion for her. She devoured books, like we might delight in a delicious meal. The discovery of her learning difference was a springboard to her becoming a teacher. She wanted to help others, as she herself had been held. The power of why over what is astonishing.

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10 years ago, I was on the way to pick up my son from school, and a crushing pain, ran through my head when I was sitting in the parking lot. And one of the other moms came over to talk to me. My face was slumping on one side and my speech was slurred. She screamed, "Oh my God, you've had a stroke." She got me into her car and rushed me to the hospital. I could not put together coherent sentences, and the left side of my body was inoperable. I was panic stricken. I felt like a prisoner in my own body. I just kept thinking, "What can I do to get back to being me?" I did not think about why this happened because I actually knew the answer as to why. I was a ball of continual stress and worry. I worried about everything and everybody. My mission from that day on, was to let go. With the exception of memory lapses from time to time, I am back to normal. I have a clear understanding of the phrase, concentrate on what is in your locus of control. Now, I hope you are in a season of thinking about what instead of why. The outcome will be more positive, and I hope your life in general will be as well.

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Thanks for listening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune and good night. Cocoa Griot out!