Tonight I am sharing the reasons I decided to back off from pursuing information about my biological father and his family.
Tonight's episode is sponsored by PODGO.CO.
Hello and welcome to my humble podcast abode y'all. It is Cocoa Griot that 50 something who revels in talking to you guys about life love and a bevy of other topics. Many of you know that in September, I had a bomb dropped on me in terms of finding out that I was not my birth certificate father's biological child. Once I recovered from the initial shock, I wanted to find out everything I could about my new family. In the short time that I've had this knowledge, the ups and downs have been overwhelming. I've been hopeful and made progress in some areas, but mostly, I've just gotten a lot of disappointment and hurt. So, I decided that the only person who can remove me from this emotional roller coaster is me. It will take some steps to do that. This epiphany occurred to me when I was watching my neighbor interact with his daughter. I started thinking about all the good times I had with my dad, like going to the park with him or him reading to me at night. I know I was lucky.
The first step that I'm taking to get off the emotional roller coaster is no longer reaching out to people and asking questions. I feel like I'm supposed to remain a secret and that is what people would prefer. This is disturbing because it is essentially blaming a child for the actions of the parents. The next step I'm going to take is to stop pouring over records about the family. I have a book I've been reading, combing My Heritage,.com Ancestry.com, and Familysearch.org to find out information. I'm going to stop these activities because they make me feel even more disconnected. I never met these people and from what I can tell by the reception I'm getting, they probably wouldn't have wanted to meet me either. I am blessed. I grew up in a loving home and that's not something many people can say these days. Part of me just longed to know about the person who was my biological father. From what I can tell from other people with a similar experience, it's quite a natural desire. I'm also finding out that most people are really not open when it comes to revealing family secrets. So, before I talk about the last step in getting up the emotional roller coaster of this DNA discovery, let me share tonight's sponsor with you.
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The third thing that I'm doing to get myself off the emotional roller coaster is focusing on the family I do know. I can honestly say that since I found out about the circumstances of my birth., I've not been as attentive to my siblings as I normally would be. I got caught up and wanted to meet new people instead of appreciating the people that are already in my life that love me. I know that everyone's journey is different when they find out something that turns their whole world around for them. But I've decided to make my journey a positive path and focus on the place that I've received love for years, my family! There's something I used to always tell my friends when they were complaining about people not responding to them the way they wanted them to. I always ask them," Why are you going to McDonald's and ordering for filet mignon? They say" Well, that's ridiculous." I know they don't serve that on the menu at McDonald's. I will remind them that the situation they are in is equivalent to that. They're going to a place and expecting something that isn't there. Instead of focusing on reaching out to people who have no desire to know me, I will focus on the people who love me and always have. By no means am I putting anyone down. I'm just making this pivot in order to take care of my emotional health. I wish everyone the best and I think that this is the grown-up thing to do. Just walk away! My experience helps me to understand why people used to say ignorance is bliss. When I didn't know the hidden circumstances of my parentage, I felt happy and complete. Finding out that I'm not who I thought I was snatched the rug of my identity from underneath me.
My healing is driven by accepting what I cannot change. Thanks for listening this evening. As always, I wish you good health, good fortune, and goodnight. Coco Griot out!