Why Am I Still Dealing With Three of My Childhood Fears?
It took me a long time, but I grew out of sucking my thumb. There are remnants from my childhood I have not been able to let go of and I wonder if I ever will.
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Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who is sitting here supercharged and ready to go to share some thoughts with you about life, love, and a plethora of other topics. When I was in deep in thought the other day, well I usually a notion came to me. I realized that I'm sitting here 55 years old, and I still have some of the same fears as when I was a child. I know that sounds really out there, but bear with me. So tonight's topic is why am I still dealing with three of my childhood fears?
One of the main fears I had, when I was a little girl, was going outside of the lines. Whenever I had a coloring page, I was meticulous about making sure that I took a crayon and lined the edges of the picture, because that was my personal boundary. I don't know what I thought was gonna happen if I crossed over that line, but it must have been something disastrous for sure. It was all about the opinions of adults who would see my work. Today, the lines represent the same fear of not being accepted because I might cross a boundary. I very much care about how I'm perceived by others in my work and my personal life as well. Just being honest with myself. This strikes me as really surprising that I have held on to this same fear for over 50 years. If you have suggestions about how to cross the lines without fear, please let me know.
When I was a little girl. We went to Six Flags, I wandered away from my family. I was just talking to people and trying to hide the fact that I really didn't know where I was, and that I couldn't find my family members. I was terrified. I stopped to talk to a lady who was selling paper flowers, and she asked me where my parents where. I told her they were lost. The lady got someone from the park to reconnect me to my parents. The entire time I was full of fear, but. I thought about what Mr. Rogers always said, look for the helpers. One of my greatest fears today is losing those I love. I carry this with me, especially after I have lost so many close loved ones. I truly believe the way to overcome this fear is to accept the fact that life does have a stopping point. It's important to pack all the love we can into the time we have with our loved ones. But we cannot stop what is inevitable. My mom used to constantly preface advice with well when I'm not here, I want you to do thus and so, what whatever right. You know I think the problem was I listened but I never wanted to imagine life without her. Now though, I think about many of those pieces of advice she gave me, and I'm glad she had the courage to discuss what I needed to do when she was no longer here. This helps me. If you are fortunate enough to still have your parents, please treasure them. Before I talk about the last fear that I am still harboring, let me go ahead and talk to you about tonight's sponsor. I gotta pay the podcast bills.
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Let's go ahead and talk about the last fear that I still have. This kind of connects to the first one I mentioned, but I'm going to go into it on a little deeper level. So the last fear I still have is not being understood by others. I have been different my entire life. When I was a little girl we lived next door to a college English professor. Instead of playing with friends my age, a lot of the time I would spend time with the professor talking about literature. I loved reading, still do! Older people in general were more interesting to me than kids. There was a convalescent home on the street behind our house. I enjoy riding my bike there and talking to the residents. It was fascinating to learn about how life used to be. I'm wondering if this is the springboard to history being my favorite subject today. I'm an introvert by nature. This podcast helps me to connect with the world, but I still worry about being misunderstood. It is a joy to share my perspective with you dear listeners, but I'm pretty terrified at the same time. Are you holding on to any fears that you had as a child? I can't be the only one, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and share some of your fears, or maybe give me a strategy about how you overcame them. Thanks for listening this evening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune, and good night,