Have you ever spent time with someone that makes you feel like you are running a marathon during the encounter? You might have been in the presence of an emotional vampire!
I want to thank you for stopping by my podcast to hear what a woman of a certain age has to say about different aspects of life. One of my favorite shows when I was growing up was called Dark Shadows. I'm dating myself when I say this because it originally air from 1966 to 1971. The star of the show was a vampire, named Barnabas Collins. I have always been fascinated by vampires. I don't really believe in vampires that drain your body of blood, but I do believe they're vampires that can drainyour energy. Tonight's episode is about Emotional Vampires. And let me just state, early on, that vampires can be men or women. You don't have to be in a relationship with the emotional vampire in order to feel their deleterious effects. Coworkers, friends, family, neighbors are all potential Emotional Vampires. These are the people that when your phone rings, you look at the ID, and you honestly know in your gut you are about to be taken for a ride on the struggle bus.
According to Psychology Today article I read by Dr. Judith Orloff, January 18, 2011 there are five signs that you have encountered an emotional vampire. Do you know the signs?Number one, your eyelids are heavy, and you feel ready for nap. Number two, your mood, takes a nosedive. Number three, you want to have carbs and comfort food, I'm assuming around a whole lot of vampires. Number four, you feel anxious or depressed, or negative. And number five, you feel put down. Dr. Orloff described the five types of Emotional Vampires, Not just the after effects you can feel after you have encountered them.
I'll provide a quick description from the good doctor and then I will share my correction type, and how that affected me. I will discuss to the types tonight and finish up with the other three next Thursday. The names have been changed to protect the guilty. Type number one, the narcissist, this person is team me. Now I want you to understand that being involved with a narcissist is a zero sum game. Everything is for their benefit, and your detriment is inconsequential to the narcissist. So, I would have to say my first real encounter with a narcissist was a high school friend. I will call her Judy. Judy did me the enormous favor of taking her social security number, and getting a cell phone, apartment and utilities in my name. So if you think Judy had messed up her own name, you should have seen what she did to mine.I didn't even know until I went to apply for a mortgage. The lender looked at me like I had called her mama a bad name. When she started showing me all of the jacked up and derogatory items, I knew exactly who this was from. Judy was the only person I knew that lived in this particular city and state. Fortunately for me, I was able to remove the items since there was no way I could be commuting to an apartment 1100 miles away from my job every day. Confronting Judy was of no use. She lived in a narcissistic bubble that separated her from the accountability of her actions. I was definitely anxious and depressed after dealing with this narcissist.
Number two, there is the victim. The amazing thing about the victim is how they share a great deal in common with a narcissist, but people rarely connext the two personalities together. I have always said that self pity is the purest form of conceit. The victim is never at fault for the tragic events that occur. The victim is always on the receiving end of malicious acts. Anything can cause problems for the victim, even inanimate objects are not safe. I a light bulb goes out, surely, the bulb was part of some kind of secret conspiracy just hell bent on ruining in the victims' day. I'm not gonna lie here for years I was an official tour guide of the pitiful, Princess cruise. I did not see that I was the common denominator in my failed relationships, or the mismanagement of my finances. I could not process the fact that my overszealous shopping habit was the catalyst for the financial deficit I faced each month. Then, I had an epiphany. I realized that if nothing changes nothing changes. I stopped searching for external causality and I reflected on something my mama told me many years ago. Decisions are either life taking or life making. I now know that other people are not responsible for babysitting my feelings. The victim retired, but I have to say when she was present in my life, my mood definitely
took a nosedive. Thanks for listening tonight and I hope you will tune in next Thursday for the continuation of this discussion. I will talk about the controller, the constant talker, and the drama queen. Please remember this, if people cannot have your love, they will settle for your energy. Cocoa Griot out!