No One Is Worth Giving Up Your Positive Beliefs About Yourself

Attaching your worth to relationships or groups can lead to disappointing results! In this episode I explore two major moments in life where I let someone take my special. Please take a moment and listen. I am trying to turn my mess into a message!

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Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, just a 50 something who delights in disgussing life, love, and a host of other ish. During this time of chaos and confusion, it's important to hold fast to your sense of self. It's easy to align yourself with a group, and lose your sense of self. I'm not knocking groups, they have their place. I remember when I became a Brownie. I was so thrilled to have a uniform and be part of it was something I truly cherish. One great aspect about the organization was that I didn't have to trade in good parts of myself to belong. The organization enhanced who I was. I say that, to say this. You have to have a strong sense of yourself to protect yourself from being swept up by a tidal wave of negativity. Making being part of a group, the center of who you are is a mistake. I'm going to share something that happened to me a few years ago.

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I decided to work on a second master's degree. I was fascinated with learning management systems, so I decided to pursue a master's degree in educational technology. Things were going well until they were not. On October 24, 2018 The professor over the degree program, call me. He was drunk, he said and I quote, "I'm just going to cut to the chase here, you do not belong in my program." " You are probably a very nice person and I'm sure there's something else you can study."" Your work is a hot mess, and you do not belong in my program." I was shaken to my core. I did not have a history of failure in graduate courses, but here he was telling me to drop his class, or I was going to fail. I was lost and hurt. So I reached out to another professor. He was stunned. He told me my work was brilliant in his courses and he would be more than happy to help me to get into his degree program. So he switched me. Then, I just lost my way, and my confidence. I dropped out altogether. I did not guard my special, the things that I knew to be true about myself. I did not fight for my place at this university. I allowed myself to be swept up in negativity, and doubt.

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I'm ashamed when I look back today at what happened. I should have fought for my truth, but I felt like it was of no use. I got caught up in making being a graduate student at a prestigious program who I was. Taking into account the fact I previously earned a master's degree, with a 4.0 average put me back in touch with who I am. The finding your worth by being part of a group is not the only way to lose your special. Sometimes that happens in relationships. Several years ago, I met a man, and I thought he was going to be my husband. We talked about everything under the sun and our chemistry was amazing. We talked daily. Then one weekend he told me he could not come down because he had "plans". I put that in air quotes because of what those plans ended up being. I could not reach him by phone at all that weekend. He didn't text or call, which was totally out of character for him. I was more hurt than I was angry. Then the following Monday morning he called me at work. I understand his strategy for doing this because my reaction to his revelation about his whereabouts was tamer, since I was at work.

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Of course, I started with my usual greeting, but I let him know I was worried about him. I asked was a family member sick? Because he was very family oriented person. He said, "No, I'm not gonna lie to you anymore. You don't deserve it." " I got married this weekend." I didn't speak, for what seemed like an eternity, but a congregation of tears fell from my eyes.. He begged me to say something. When I did I just asked why. He told me the woman he married was a friend who desperately needed health insurance. He only had one way to help her, and that was to marry her. He had the gall to say, I don't love her. I love you. But at that moment my mom's words ran through my head. Never believe anything a man says negative about a woman he goes home to and lays his head next to every night. Men don't hang around where they don't want to be. If a man is with a woman it is because he wants to be with her. When I look back on this event, I think about how my deepest sadness came from the fact that I no longer felt special. I allowed this man to get close to me. I believed him, I believed in us. There was no us. It was a struggle, but I had to move away from this man because no matter how the

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circumstances, arose. He was still now, a married man. Guarding your special and not letting it hinge on anything outside of yourself is super important. I hope this evening. I've been able to turn my mess into a message that might help someone. Thank you for listening, and as always, I wish you good health, good fortune, a good night. Cocoa Griot out.

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