My Husband vs. My Headache
Trust and Empathy in a Relationship
The two main qualities I need in a relationship are trust and empathy. In this episode I revealed what it was like to have those qualities in place, and what the opposite was like.
Good evening and welcome to my humble are cast abode. I am Cocoa Griot, that fifty- something single mom who enjoys talking about life, love, and a host of other topics. Tonight's episode is a stroll down memory lane for me. There are streets lined with beautiful scenery, and others that remind me of the Nightmare on Elm Street. When I think about the two major relationships in my life, I have to admit, they're about as different as night and day. I mentioned this before to some friends that after my king. when I reached back into that deck, I pulled out a joker! It may sound humorous, but it was no laughing matter. Let me clarify from the beginning, I'm not bashing men. Anything that comes off as negative is a reflection of my experience with one man. There are two main points I'm going to compare these two men on. I felt it was important to do this because I really want to help women understand their value. And what happens when you lose sight of it.
Also, it's important to make relationship decisions based on your own insight and not make choices because of what others do. This is a whole story in and of itself for another time. So, the aspects that are really important to me and non negotiables today are empathy, and trust. These things mean the world to me. I'm going to address empathy first with an example from my husband actually before he became my husband, but it kind of put him on the right path to be my husband. So one day, I invitedJames to dinner a knowing full well I didn't know how cook. I arranged for my roommate to actually cook the meal, but we were going to pretend that I was making the food. When she went into the kitchen to check on the food, there would be no noise, but when I went into the kitchen... Oh my goodness. I wanted to make sure he understood I was working hard in that kitchen. So the third time I emerged from the kitchen, he said, "Come sit down honey, and let me talk to you for a minute." I said, "What?. He said." Daisy, I know you cannot cook, anybody making all that noise is not doing anything."" But don't worry, I love you and I will cook for us until I've taught you how to cook." That made my heart melt, and we had the best laugh. How can you not love a man like that?
Now, the headache example. I remember how it was difficult for me to be a mom of an infant at 38. Healing from my c- section was slow and the pain was excruciating. So our son was two weeks old and one day he had a serious colicky moment. I was working so hard to calm him down, but before I knew it, I was on the wrong end of an expletive written tirade about what an awful mother I was. I tried to explain that babies, sometimes they're colicky, and it's uncomfortable but he will be okay. No matter what I said, the abusive speech continued. So, to stop the barrage I complied when he told me he wanted me to go into his SUV and take the baby to the hospital. I held back my tears the entire ride to the hospital because of the pain. Well, at the hospital, he who shall not be named was told I had done everything right, that could be done. We just had to ride this out. Not only did he not show me the empathy, he looked at me and said it was still all my fault. I wanted to summon a laser beam from outer space and evaporate him on the spot. We're gonna take a minute and have a word from our sponsors. Revolution beauty is affordable and accessible makeup for all. they Since day one Revolution has been challenging beauty norms and championing diversity. All products are 100% cruelty free and designed based on consumer feedback. So Revolution has something for every skin type, and any occasion. We are teaming up with Revolution beauty to give you 20% off your next purchase by using the code PODCODE20, that code P-O-D-G-O-C-O20 at Revolution beauty.us Check out the link in the show notes, and join the revolution today.
Back to the story at hand. Because I want to end on a positive note, I'm going to talk about the lack of trust, from my personal Nightmare on Elm Street first and then I'll talk about what pure trust is like. I was a middle school teacher, and oftentimes issues would arise at the end of my day that require teachers to stay after school to address them. The problem was, I couldn't.
So he who will not be named timed the route from my job. I had exactly 30 minutes from the time my workday ended, to be at home. If I was not there was absolute.... to pay. I remember days when there was a wreck on the road and I would be panic stricken thinking, "Oh my god I'm not gonna make it on time". My colleagues didn't understand why I did not join them for a socials after work or anytime there was a campus celebration like a wedding shower a baby shower. I could not resist incurring the wrath of Mr. Krueger. There was no trust whatsoever in this situation, because he was a serial cheater. And that is why he imposed such rigid restrictions on me. And now for something completely different. My husband was always at one of three places, home, church or work. I never worried about him, and he never worried about me. We lovedeach other, to the point, we wouldn't do anything to harm or hurt each other. Once I had to go on a trip with the principal out of town. My husband was totally fine with it because he knew who he was married to. James never imposed ridiculous restrictions on me. I feel like I let people convince me that I needed to move on after his death, and influence me more than I should have. There is no set time period to date, or remarry after you lose a spouse. Allowing yourself time to heal is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and it definitely will make a difference in the quality of the person you choose to become involved with. I rushed the process, and subsequently, I found my way to Elm Street.
The negative experiences of my headache, do not overshadow the positive memories of my husband's empathy. Thanks for listening this evening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune, and good night, Cocoa Griot out!
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