My Mom Was My Parent, Not My Friend and I am Thankful
The Dilemma
Many parents today are caught in the crossfire of whether they should be a child's friend, or be a parent. The choice was easy for my mom. She parented my siblings and I and today we are better people because of her choice.
Her example helped me to raise my own children so they understand I love them and care for them.
Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot that 50 something single mom who enjoys talking about life, love, and a boatload of other topics. I've been thinking a lot about my mom this week and last week because of Mother's Day. Boy do I miss her. Her words are my constant companions, and I'm gonna share a few of those words with you tonight. Some of them might surprise you. So when I was a junior in high school with my own car, I approached my mom about extending our curfew past 10pm. She asked me what I thought would be a suitable curfew for a 16 year old, and I immediately said midnight. My mom looked me without an ounce of malice on her face, or in her voice and said," Ain't nothing and open after midnight but legs and motels." in other words, DENIED! I reminded her about the way she raised me, and that she would not have to worry about things like that. She reminded me that she had only raised two young men in Tyler, Texas, my brothers. She could not guarantee the morals of other young men, so her no was firm. I just laughed and accepted the fact that my curfew was still 10pm. Nothing short of an act of Congress would change my curfew. Well, as time went by and my senior year rolled around, I started to notice that many of the girls were late curfews also had like periods. When I really sat down and thought about it later, I realized something. My mom had the courage to tell me no, and raise me. She had lived a little longer than I had and I had to give her credit for the wisdom she shared with me. Her main objective was not being my friend, she did what she needed to do to keep me safe. Setting boundaries as a parent can be hard, but I'm so thankful, I had a mom who did that for me.
Another important lesson I learned from my mom was about friends. My mom always said everything that grin ain't no friend. This is something that, boy, I had the occasion to learn. I had a friend, quote unquote, that was in a very desperate situation. She was someone that also really never caught a break in life. I helped her and as the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished became a reality for me. I wanted to purchase a home in 2006, I was confident that things would go well, and when I filled out the mortgage application. Boy was I wrong. My credit was terrible! There was a $900 MCI bill, cable bill, utilities, and back rent owed all in a state 1100 miles away from where I lived. I was devastated that I had to put my house purchasing plans on hold while I disputed and cleaned up my credit. When I reached out to the ..., she did not respond, so I decided to reach out to the only other family member I could contact for her, and while I was a little apprehensive because I was not sure how she will respond to the things of what her daughter had done. Her mom believed me and apologized to me profusely. She let me know, it was easy to believe this because this...
had done the same thing to her. I was stunned and I realized that if this girl could do that to her mom, I was definitely eligible to. The one thing I can say about the situation is that it taught me an important lesson in life. If a person has ruined their own credit, what makes you think they will care about ruining yours. There is no passenger seat on the social security number. It is designed for one person to use only. Just as my mom said, everything that grin and no friend. Before I share any more of my mom's wisdom, I want to share word from the sponsor for tonight's show.
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So, back to the topic at hand. When people show you who they are, believe them. This little nugget of knowledge rang true for me at the worst place of all, work. I had a co- worker that was always talking about people day in and day out. It seems that no one was doing anything right but her of course I made it my business to never chime in with her. I would just listen. As luck would have been one day she caught me at the right time when I was fed up with another co-worker, I found myself venting to her, and the dialogue was extremely venomous. She was the last person in the world I needed to do this with, but at the time, I didn't care. As fate would have it, not long after my verbal tsunami, the co-worker I discussed confronted me about my comments. I owned up to, saying the things I said and I explained what I was frustrated with her. She was genuniely taken aback by my apologies. I knew that I had made the comments about her to only one person the chaos agent. So I was able to patch things up with the co- worker, I had offended. We both agreed that when people show you who they are, believe them.
The last thing I want to talk about is a thing my mom used to say and I don't really think I got the gist of this until I was older. She would always say, "If it don't come out in the wash, it'll come out in the rinse." I have this hyper righting reflex that makes me want to correct situations when I feel that wrong is present. My mind recognized this about me from the time I was very young. I always got involved in issues where I felt something needed to be righted. This was extremely exhausting for me and a hard place to choose to live. When I started my teaching career I worked for a principal that I did not feel was very honest. I told my mom I was really concerned about his lack of integrity. Well, my mom reminded me that this is my first year of teaching and this man had been with the district for many years. She told me to trust in the process, and wrong has a season, but it also has an expiration date. Near the end of the school year and audit exposed some financial misdeeds and the principal was removed. He was replaced by the most amazing principal I have ever worked for in my life. My intervention was not necessary for the problem to be resolved. Mom was right. It didn't come out in the wash, but it came out in the rinse. I feel like many of us carry words of wisdom from our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives. I'm so thankful for the things my mama used to say and how those words are beacons that guide my path.
Hey, if you're new to the podcast, I recommend follow it in your podcast app, and listen to the back catalogue at your leisure. I'd recommend season 1 episode 20 Gotcha, versus I've Got You. As always, I want to wish you good health, good fortune, and a good night, Cocoa Griot out.
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